I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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