I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
