: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
