my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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