I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
