Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
