yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
