The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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