Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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