I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
