It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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