So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
