one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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