Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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