Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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