please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It was confusing and full of hummus
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
