have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
