I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I understand Curling. That high.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
