how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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