i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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