Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
