i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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