I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
"it" just moved
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i now understand why vodka
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
