he thought i was a dude.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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