He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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