I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
