Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
