I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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