I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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