Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
