how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
