i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
