sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
