Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
