I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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