I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
