I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
