it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
