i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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