My nipple is on Facebook.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Is it because I queefed?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
