saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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