Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
