She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize