i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
