Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
