the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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