am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
