i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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