Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
