I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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