Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
